my future

I dont personally know anybody with any neurological diseases, so thats not what prompted me to want to study neuroscience. I am really crazy about it though. I wanted to study dreams and memory when I was younger but I now I want to do research on neuro diseases especially Parkinson's. I will find a cure for it if someone doesn't do it before me. I guess I have been watching and reading some of Michael J. Fox's stuff and it really touched me, and thats why I am so set on Parkinson's. But he is famous and has it a little bit easier (financially) than some other unfortunate people. Also he has a great family that supports him and a lot more hope than others. I want to help him and I really want to help the people who lost their home or their spouses left them and they were left helpless unable to eat, bathe, walk, talk...because of this disease. I want to help them.

And I wish I was in school so i can get on with it but its just not time yet. Meanwhile I am homeschooling myself.

Are you afraid of the dark?

I noticed that during the day I don't think about death and I am not afraid of it. But as soon as I turn the lights off at night, a lot of the times I start thinking about dying. And I start thinking irrationally about what will happen to me. As a child, I had to sleep with the light on, and even now I would like to sleep with the TV on but the TV is broken from our careless movers. So that is why I have been thinking all this crazy stuff at night lately. Its strange to think that darkness messes with the mind so much. What if I was blind? Well maybe its not only the dark, maybe its the thought of everyone around me sleeping and a sense of loneliness. Or maybe its because I am about to drift into sleep witch is already kind of like dying. Anyway this reminds me of a poem I once read by the famous poet D. Brown

When I was 17 I died

Every night I dreamed I was alive

Sometimes, my blood comes back to me

and the white counts back up

I dreamed I knew you

for more than a breath

But death is better entertained

with the loneliness in my eyes

Why a blog?

I've wanted to start a blog for a little while now but never found the right time. My life seems pretty uneventful right now, and also its probably the most eventful times of my life. So finally I decided to do it. Now I'm not very sure what I want from this blog. I want privacy but also I don't want to be the only one who can access this blog. But then why do I want privacy? Is it because I am afraid that someone will think they know everything about me. Is that selfish? But why not share a little part of me with the world? There will only be one me in this world, ever. My thoughts are so unique that no one can duplicate them and so the least I can do is quench their thirst with my posts. And so now as you are mapping my mind, my thoughts will linger in your head which is the whole purpose of this; to have my thoughts linger in this world after I'm gone.